A male perspective:
There are many beliefs that contribute to people being
lonely. I take one in particular that I have seen demonstrated again
and again. This is the belief, among women, that only desperate women
will ask men for their company as romantic partners.
For simplicity I will refer to the common phrase "asking
someone out." This is generally referring to asking someone for a
date, a romantic encounter. Generalizing this further, asking someone
to go on a romantic encounter with them would be asking for thier company.
So, in asking for the company of a man, a woman would ask a man out on
a date. The belief that this is inappropriate refers to the archaic
masculine image of the man as the aggressor. More and more often
these neanderthal type of men are spoken against, for instance, recently
I saw the following title on a personal add on Match.Com: "No Primitive
Apes!" I would take this to mean that the archaic quality of the
male agressor is undesirable. However, while having encountered this
view many times, I must respond with the question, so then, why do you
not ask men out instead?
Often this question is met with the reply that to ask a man out is to admit that one is desperate. Desperation is evidently an undesirable quality. Since the more recent view of women is as equals to men (equal opportunity act, etc...), then this must apply unilaterally. So then, applying this agrument of desperation unilaterally, then to ask for anyone's company is to admit desperation, and women at least, are reluctant to admit desperation. Further, desperation in general is referred to as a negative quality. Therefore, I would point out, anyone who asks for anyone's company is therefore desperate. Given that this is a negative quality, then everyone is starting out with a person who displays negative qualities. Using an example, consider an attractive female that enters your social gathering of choice. As a man, one notices that she is attractive, considers the possibility of success at gaining her attention, and subsequently possibility of further contact. Though, here we encounter the problem. To gain further contact, the man must ask for her company at some later date. By doing this, according to our points above, he must admit that he is desperate, and therefore admit to a negative quality, decreasing chances of success. Though, considering chances of contact at a future date, the woman will also look at approaching the man as a sign of desperation, and therefore neither the woman nor the man will approach one another, and therefore neither will have any chance of future contact except by chance, at which time, the same weighing will occur, and the same consequences will happen.
This is an exceedingly pessimistic view. There is no doubt of this problem, but at the same time, the foolishness of both people is immiedately noted. Neither will approach the other, and if the man does not notice the woman then the same thing occurs as if both had weighed out the consequences. So, summing the above up in one statement. If you want something, you must go for it. Perhaps you will succeed, perhaps you will fail, but at least you attempted it. Without attempting it, your probability of success is zero.
Adding one more thing to the male perspective, I have
been known to a woman out on a date simply because she had the brains to
request my company versus forcing me to ask for hers.
A female perspective:
Do
you have a perspective? How intelligent is social interaction to
you?
Updated: November 27, 2002
Do
you have any ideas to make this page better?